Earthworms are Cute, Spiders are Not
by Thorn In Your Side
Summary: RukiHime, shoujo-ai. Orihime gets a pet. The pet dies. Rukia gets her a replacement. So its all good, right? WRONG! Because life just isn't that kind. Rated for a kiss that's supposed to be...hot-ish.


Earthworms are Cute, Spiders are Not

**Earthworms are Cute, Spiders are Not**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach! Nor do I own Khenpoe…hell I don't even own Smudge for that matter. TT**

**Summary: RukiHime, Orihime gets a pet. The pet dies. Rukia gets a replacement. Its all good…right? WRONG! Because life isn't that kind. **

**A/N: WHOOO! My first ever shoujo-ai fic AND my first ever Bleach fic! I'm so excited, so if you're gonna shoot it down, please try to be gentle about it. **

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

"Kuchiki-san!" the redhead called out, "Look!" she bent down and reached into the grass that lined the sidewalk.

Rukia walked over to her lover, curious. "What is it?"

"An earthworm!" Orihime cooed over the blind thing in her palm, "Isn't it adorable?"

The death god peered at the moist, pink thing squirming around. "Urgh," she shuddered, expressing her opinion on the matter contritely.

Orihime pouted. "Now _**that**_ is adorable," Rukia teased, laughing. The other girl blushed prettily.

"I'm going to bring him home! He'll be our pet!"

The brunette raised an eyebrow. "I don't think so."

"Please Kuchiki-san?" Orihime whined, "I've never had a pet before!"

"So we'll get a kitten," her roommate said exasperatedly, "Or a puppy, or a gerbil or a fish!"

"But I want Smudge!"

"Who?"

Orihime nodded to the earthworm. "Smudge."

Rukia blinked owlishly. "You named it?"

"I named _**him**_," her flamer haired goddess corrected.

Rukia blinked again. "What'd I say?"

"Kuchiki-san!"

"Oh, alright," she gave in, "Let's take Smudge home, princess."

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"Love you, Smudge," the brown eyed girl whispered through the glass cage to the worm, "G'night."

Rukia glanced uneasily at the duo. Orihime had gotten so attached to the stupid bug (wait…were earthworms insects?) it made her feel both a little jealous and a little apprehensive. Earthworms didn't live too long, if memory served.

Unfortunately, her memory served very well. The next morning Rukia rolled over to find the far side of the bed cold and decidedly lacking the warmth of a certain redhead. She tumbled out of bed and walked into the living room to find her girlfriend sitting in the couch, puffy eyed and holding Smudge's cage.

"Oh _**no**_," the black haired girl sighed, sliding in next to her, pulling the distraught girl into a hug, "Poor baby doll…"

"He's all dry," Orihime sniffled, her voice cracking, "He's never dry!"

Rukia hugged her tighter. "I'm here," she murmured, "Its okay."

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"Check!" Tatsuki exclaimed. Orihime moved her king. "Tatsuki-chan, thank you so much for teaching me this chess," she said for the umpteenth time, "Now I have something to teach Kuchiki-san!"

The brunette smiled warmly at her best friend. The last few days had been hard on her, with Smudge's burial and everything. Ichigo had argued against a cremation, because well _**duh**_, earthworms probably didn't like fire.

Tatsuki's smile became a little strained as she recollected the funeral…

_**-flashback!!-**_

The nun was a little pale. Well, no one really blamed her, she was praying for a worm's soul, after all.

"…and the Lord who doth reside in Heaven shall take thee with open arms…"

Renji fidgeted with his cuffs, but stopped at the deathglare that Rukia sent him. Orihime was sobbing inconsolably on her shoulder, Tatsuki patting her back sympathetically.

"I think this is retarded," he hissed to Ichigo, "It's a _**worm**_."

Byakuya shot them a glare that put his sister's to shame. "It means a lot to the poor girl, Renji, so shut up."

Ichigo chuckled at the look on his friend's face, but stopped when Tatsuki gave him the best glare of them all. Chad wiped away a tear. "That worm really knew how to cheer a guy up," he sobbed.

Keigo glanced at him bemusedly. "Don't cry, Chad, Smudge's…gone to a better place now."

Kon nodded, busily peering up Rukia's skirt. "Yeah, a place full of sexy girl worms—urgh!" he groaned as a high heel crashed into his stomach. "Owwww…"

"Worms are hermaphrodite," Rukia spat at him, "And what the hell are you doing here, fuck off!"

"…and your friends and loved ones living will remember you and cherish you for all eternity…"

"I won't remember his name after two beers," Khenpoe muttered.

Yoruichi frowned at him. "Who the hell are you?" she asked.

He shrugged and held out his hand. "Creator of the best version of Bleach Abridged, thankyouverymuch."

The ex-princess shook it uncertainly. "The hell?"

"I don't know, ask the authoress, man."

Kisuke sighed. "A loon, huh? I'll take care of him," he said, and had Khenpoe put in a padded ward in a secure facility.

Somewhere in reality, a thousand Bleach Abridged fans cursed the authoress to a painful death.

"…and we hope you find happiness and pray that your soul is at peace. Amen."

"Amen," they chorused.

_**-end flashback!!-**_

"Tatsuki-chan?" Orihime queried, "Are you alright? You haven't said anything in about five minutes."

"Oh, sorry," Tatsuki grinned sheepishly, "Hey, it's Rukia!"

"Ta-da!" the black haired shinigami said proudly, placing a small cage in Orihime's lap, "I got you a replacement for Smudge!"

"Really, Kuchiki-san?" the redhead squealed. Her girlfriend smiled at her. "Yup!"

"Yay! Yay, yay! Ya—" Orihime's pupils dilated in dear as she looked in the case to see eight eyes staring her in the face. "—AAAAH!" she screamed, throwing the container off as she scrambled up. The latch popped open and a large hairy black tarantula crawled out.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAA!" the brown eyed girl screeched like a banshee, leaping into Rukia's waiting arms, "Tatsuki-chan!!"

"Right, got it," the brunette said calmly, picking up the arachnid and slipping it back into its cage.

"I thought you _**liked**_ bugs," the confused death god said to the girl in her arms. Tatsuki rolled her eyes. "She does…except spiders. She's terrified of spiders."

"I got that, thanks," Rukia said wryly.

"Kuchiki-san, I'm just happy you went out of your way to do something so nice, even it did try to eat me" Orihime smiled shyly, "Thank you," she said, leaning in to kiss her. Rukia tasted like strawberry lip gloss, but that wasn't the taste she was looking for. She licked the brunette's lips, and Rukia's tongue slithered out. The redhead moaned into her mouth, looping her legs around the shorter girl's waist, trying to deepen the kiss.

"A-HEM." Tatsuki coughed, embarrassed for them.

They broke apart, looking flustered, "Oh, sorry," Rukia apologized, and carried her flame haired goddess out the door.

Tatsuki sighed, and looked down at the cage in her hand. She let the tarantula out, and stared at it. "The hell am I supposed to do with you?" she muttered. Eight eyes stared at her, and she could've sworn it waved.

"I think I'll call you Suzie!"

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

**This is dedicated to my best friend Athena, who recently got a cat called Smudge. Smudge, I hope you live a long and happy life! **


End file.
